You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
