You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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