he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
