Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
