a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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