if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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