how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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