i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
