she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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