i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
