i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
