I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
