I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
