im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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