they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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