chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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