would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
