Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
