Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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