I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
