well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
