i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
