thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
