i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
