my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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