I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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