the new term for farting is butt boxing.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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