he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
