Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
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We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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