absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
