Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
