Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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