I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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