bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
