is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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