How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
