I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
