Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
