their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
