I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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