nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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