We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I will be naked everywhere
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
