so explain again why im purple
no
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
