I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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