i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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