There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
