Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
