Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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