just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
