I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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