i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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