Can i not drive my cunt home
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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