Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
