it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
God, I missed his penis.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
