so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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