i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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