i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
