nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
