So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just want nice things and good sex
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
