if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
