WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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