My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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