Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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