Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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