I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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