omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
