i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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