You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
