you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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