i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
