i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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