That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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