Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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