I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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