Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
