I'm really into asian looking animals
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
