This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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