Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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